Car Wash ≠ Car Sex

ANONYMOUS - saratoga county

It’s the summer of 2020, July or August, me and my friends on our school’s colorguard team were doing a fundraiser to raise money for our team—a car wash, something we do every year, 9:30-11:30 am on a Saturday.

It’s not like we had a choice, it was either that, pay out of pocket to be on the team, or quit. So, we got up at 8 on a Saturday to go wash cars for pocket change. 

Technically, the patrons had no fee. You didn’t have to pay us, but most did, about five dollars a wash. Sometimes we got lucky and colorguard alumni would pay us fifteen whole dollars to wash a car in 95 degree heat outside of a good year. It wasn’t the whole team though, no, that’s far too many people. You had to sign up for it, there were two shifts a day p, one day a month in the summer. One in June, one in July, one in August. It was either July or August when a man in a pickup truck, probably in his 40s, came to our little fundraiser. Everything was as it should be: “customer” exits the car, rinse the car, soap the car, rinse the car, dry the car, collect money. 

Until he told us to bend over and “make sure to get the wheels.”

None of us knew what to say, so we pretended we didn’t hear or just laughed it off. All of us were between the ages of 10 and 17. I was 14. We tried to get over it by making jokes that we should run the car wash while wearing bikinis to drive in more customers, but no one could get over how uncomfortable we all were.

My dad came to pick me up in his car after he made us wash it and handed a whopping five dollars to the tip jar. I told him about what had happened, expecting sympathy or comforting, but instead I got talked back to. He said I was overreacting, that it wasn’t that bad, and that I only thought he was creepy because he was some random guy.

I had to do the car wash again this year, and was paired up with one of my friends that was in that same group last year. That was the day I told my mom what happened. She didn’t respond. She looked uncomfortable, not knowing how to respond to us making jokes about us, teenagers, being harassed by creepy men.

Body Invasion

Ingy - Berlin, Germany

body invasion.

I don’t like the way you talk about my body and

pretend like you earn it, as if it wasn’t mine or

the way you joke about sexual assault crimes,

but insist that you were just ‘joking’ and that’s apparently ‘fine’.

I don’t like the way you look at my body and invade my personal space,

the way your mouth rambles some words and I see hunger on your face.

I don’t like the way you judge my body and analyze every flawed cell,

the way you feel offended and start to defend yourself,

saying “But hey, I would never...” when I start to tell you

some stories of a female’s daily hell.

So,

Shall I tell you about the time when a classmate of mine

talked about my boobs in front of my eyes and compared me to a friend

like we were some toys in his hand?

Or

Shall I tell you about the time I asked my younger sister

if she was fine after an older man our parents have known

put his dirty hands on her shoulders as if she was an object he could own?

Or

Shall I tell you about the time when me and a friend of mine

got stopped on our way home by an older guy we know,

who was drunk and high and ended up touching our bodies inappropriately, why?

Or

Shall I tell you all the time when a guy thought it would be fine

to enter the personal space of my mom and touched her

but pretending to be innocent and stayed calm

when she called him out in front of the crowd to see.

Or

Shall I tell you about the time when I already had breasts at the age of nine

and some boys in my class thought it would be fine

to make fun of me and over-sexualized the body of a child.

Or

Shall I tell you about the time when a very close friend of mine

was feeling numb when she said that she had been sexually assaulted in her own bed.

This list can go on and on.

I want it to stop, for the sake of every man, woman, boy and girl,

this must be your last tear to drop.

I am tired of people using my body to please the hunger of their demons.

I am not your property,

because this body is simply mine and

there should be no other reason.

Male Gaze

Brigitte Grover - Maryland


Maddie's Story

Written by: Madeline Barrasso, MPH

We quickened our pace, walking arm in arm as we walked home from the bar that night. My roommates and I went for a nightcap at our local spot and walked along the empty street like it was any normal night. Except for this time, we were being followed.

The man following us was about 12-15 paces back, close enough for us to hear the catcalling through his slurring speech, but far enough for us to be safe if we needed to make a run for it. When I turned around to look at him, he didn’t seem threatening- only a few inches taller than myself and stumbling slightly. He was clearly drunk, but it didn’t change how his words affected me.

When I moved to Boston, I was told that I should never walk alone, in fear that I could get mugged or taken advantage of. I always carried mace in my bag and had 911 on my speed dial, just in case. However, no one teaches you how to respond if you experience or witness street harassment. The only advice I had received over the years was to simply ignore it, and eventually, it will stop. But sometimes, it doesn’t. Sometimes, he will continue to follow until you are forced to walk into the local 7-11 because it was open and there were witnesses in case he tried something. Thankfully, he chose to continue walking down the street and we were able to make it safely back to our apartment, just a little shaken up. I started to blame myself: why did you walk down that street? Why didn’t you bring your mace? Why did you wear makeup that night? (if you know me, I rarely wear makeup in the first place)

Once I had time to process this experience, I wasn’t scared, I was angry. I was angry that this man felt that he could take my power from me and get away with it simply because I am a woman. I was angry at the fact that he will not experience any kind of punishment for his words, only if an action were to take place- only if there was proof. After that night, I made it my mission to share my story with friends because my experience that night was not rare. The more we talk about our experiences, the more we realize just how often street harassment occurs on a daily basis.

After sharing my story with a friend months later, she introduced me to the NYC-based organization, catcallsofnyc (@chalkbackorg, @catcallsofnyc). This organization exposes cases of street harassment experienced by people across the globe through the power of chalk and an Instagram account. catcallsofnyc shares these stories because people need to understand the gravity of the words and actions done. While nothing is done to punish the offender, we have to carry this weight with us for the rest of our lives.

I share my story because I want to create change in the lives of those who are the perpetrators or those who have fallen victim to street harassment. Together, we can work towards eliminating street harassment, one person at a time.

If you have had a similar experience to the one you read above, please know that you are not alone. If you are afraid to speak up, that is ok. Just know that if you do, we are all in this together.

Ann-Sophie's Story

Ann-Sophie’s Story | February 17, 2019

Gender-based street harassment is an epidemic affecting women, non binary, and trans folks in cities all around the globe. Join Catcalls of NYC writer Jessica Hutt in hearing first-hand accounts from people who are saying “NO!” to catcalling. In this interview, read the story of Ann-Sophie, a German woman who encountered catcalling for the first time very early on in life and has been dedicated to empowering women ever since.

Image courtesy of stock elements

Image courtesy of stock elements

Jessica Hutt: Where are you from?

Ann-Sophie Meyers: Frankfurt, Germany.

Hutt: How old were you when you were first catcalled?

Meyers: I think I was 14.

Hutt: What happened? Who catcalled you? What did they say/do?

Meyers: I can not remember the first time, but I remember that one time in the bus when I was wearing a skirt and tights, some forty year old guy asked me if I wanted to sit on his lap, because the bus was so crowded.

Hutt: How did the experience make you feel in the moment and after the fact?

Meyers: It took me long to realise what the man meant, but I felt dirty and got of the bus to walk home.

Hutt: How did you react outwardly?

Meyers: I did not really react, but some other men in the bus were laughing. I just walked home.

Hutt: Did you tell anyone what happened? If so, how did they respond?

Meyers: I told one of my friends. She told me that men are pigs and I should not wear skirts.

Hutt: Do you believe that catcalling is a compliment?

Meyers: It’s not a compliment. Men are not allowed to sexualize woman or little girls.

Hutt: Do you go out of your way to avoid situations in which you could be catcalled?

Meyers: I did not take the bus for a very long time after the incident.

Hutt: Did you feel the need to change your behavior after the experience?

Meyers: I stopped wearing skirts or tight shirts, and now I always carry my keys in hand [in case I] need to punch someone.

Hutt: What do you think can be done to end street harassment?

Meyers: Educate men and empower women.

Hutt: Why is it important to end street harassment?

Meyers: It’s not okay that women are scared all day long because men are sexualizing them. That needs to stop because the next step is rape.

Want more stories? Keep checking the Catcalls of NYC blog for new interviews with badass people sharing their personal experiences with street harassment. Special thanks to Ms. Meyers for telling her story and speaking out against unsolicited sexual advances!

Angela's Story

Angela’s Story | January 13, 2019

Gender-based street harassment is an epidemic affecting women, non binary, and trans folks in cities all around the globe. Join Catcalls of NYC writer Jessica Hutt in hearing first-hand accounts from people who are saying “NO!” to catcalling. In this interview, read the story of Angela, a Filipina woman who has encountered sexual harassment and victim-shaming multiple times throughout her life.

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Jessica Hutt: Where are you from?

Angela: I'm from Manila, NCR (National Capital Region), Philippines.

Hutt: How old were you when you were first catcalled?

Angela: I was a 15-year-old high school student when I was first catcalled.

Hutt: What happened? Who catcalled you? What did they say/do?

Angela: I don't recall much [from] when I was first catcalled because many years have already passed, so instead, I'm going to share something more recent. This happened more than over a year ago; I was in my last year of college. My classes end late in the afternoon, so by the time I made my commute home the skies were already dark. I was crossing the overpass bridge, not far from our school, when a man said, "Hi miss, ang cute mo". (Translation: hi miss, you look cute.) The stairs of the overpass bridge were narrow, so he was very close to me when he said that. I tried to ignore him but he started following me. He kept harassing me while I kept walking until I reached the jeepney stop.

Hutt: How did the experience make you feel in the moment and after the fact?

Angela: I was really shaken up and scared. I kept going back to that moment and asking myself what I did to invite that kind of attention. I kept asking myself if it was my fault because I kept remembering the other times when guys faulted me for their actions.

Hutt: How did you react outwardly?

Angela: I had my phone on one hand; the flashlight on and a call away from 911 in case something happened, and a pen in the other. I didn't confront him because I was so scared that he might get aggressive and do something to me.

Hutt: Did you tell anyone what happened? If so, how did they respond?

Angela: When I got home, I told my brother. I was relieved that it was just him at home because I was too vulnerable to weather my mother's penchant for victim-shaming. He was very angry on my behalf and comforted me as best as he could.

Hutt: Do you believe that catcalling is a compliment?

Angela: Catcalling has never been nor will it ever be a compliment. It's an unsolicited action from men who feel entitled to take up our time and emotional well-being just to express that they are sexually interested in you.

Hutt: Do you go out of your way to avoid situations in which you could be catcalled?

Angela:  I avoid it as much as I can. I always have my commute fare easily accessible. [In this situation] a ballpen was hidden in my pocket and my phone [was] in hand.

Hutt: Did you feel the need to change your behavior after the experience?

Angela:  I'm usually in my school uniform so regardless of how I dressed I was catcalled and harassed often. I always carry a retractable baton and a switchblade in my bag and walked close to people in groups.

Hutt: What do you think can be done to end street harassment?

Angela: Pass legislation so that street harassment is not allowed and is a jailable offense with a hefty bail amount so offenders will take it more seriously. Improve security infrastructure like building light posts in dark streets and installing more CCTV cameras. A cohesive education for early, intermediate and tertiary levels that any form of harassment is bad and about the steps they could take to help stop the offender and what legal steps the victim could take after those kinds of situations. And it shouldn't stop there, this kind of education should also be shared by leaders in communities. Every citizen should be educated on this matter and what they can do about it.

Hutt: Why is it important to end street harassment?

Angela: It's important because everybody has the right to feel safe.


Want more stories? Keep checking the Catcalls of NYC blog for new interviews with badass people sharing their personal experiences with street harassment. Special thanks to Ms. Malano for telling her story and speaking out against unsolicited sexual advances!

What would you say to your younger self the moment you were first catcalled ? 

Read below for a compilation of advice from women to their younger selves at the moment when they were first catcalled. Thank you for sharing your support and wisdom with everyone.

  1. “You’re stronger than them and they know it.” — Kaylee

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2. “Don’t give them the attention they so desire.” — Lily

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3. “Don’t blame it on the way you dressed, blame it on the way they think.”

This doesn't define your worth in any way. Keep your head up and your self esteem high-2.png

“It's ok to walk away from people who harass you regularly. ‘Fuck off’ is an acceptable response to harassment.“

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“This doesn’t define your worth. Keep your head up and your self esteem high.”

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"Men are trash. Don't let their bullshit affect you.” — Stephanie

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“Don’t just walk away from the boys at school. Tell them it’s not okay.” — Sarah

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"Don't act like nothing ever happened, it will break you. You're not the person who has to be ashamed."

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Anna's Story

Anna’s Story | January 19, 2019

Gender-based street harassment is an epidemic affecting women, non binary, and trans folks in cities all around the globe. Join Catcalls of NYC writer Jessica Hutt in hearing first-hand accounts from people who are saying “NO!” to catcalling. In this interview, read the story of Anna, a German university student who is all too familiar with the realities of seuxal harrassment and the pain it can bring.

Image courtesy of Thais Ramos Varela

Image courtesy of Thais Ramos Varela

Jessica Hutt: Where are you from?

Anna: I am from Germany. More specifically, I am from Mainz, near Frankfurt.


Hutt: How old were you when you were first catcalled?

Anna: I was about 14/15 years old the first time I remember being catcalled.


Hutt: What happened? Who catcalled you? What did they say/do?

Anna: At that time I had blue hair, so I was used to people staring at me. But one time, on my way home at my local train station, two grown men started staring at and following me. They yelled at me in a language I didn’t know. I don’t know what they really said, but I was totally scared when they followed me to my platform. Eventually, they left me alone.


Hutt: How did the experience make you feel in the moment and after the fact?

Anna: I was really scared and angry. [I was] scared of what they could do to me and angry because I thought “they’re grown men. Why don’t they act like adults?”. Later, I learned a lot of adults act like that.


Hutt: How did you react outwardly?

Anna: I am not really sure because it was so long ago, but I think I walked faster and tried searching for other groups of adults so in case something happened, there would be somebody around.


Hutt: Do you believe that catcalling is a compliment?

Anna: I’m not scared of compliments and they don’t make me feel threatened. Catcalls make me feel like that, so I don’t see them as compliments.


Hutt: Do you go out of your way to avoid situations in which you could be catcalled?

Anna: I used to barely go outside, especially with colored hair because it would attract so much more attention. The older I got, the worse it got. I’m 21 now and I’m still afraid to go out at night because I get catcalled or threatened every time. I barely wear the short pants or crop tops I love so much because I know it makes it worse. I stopped riding my bike last summer because I am easily scared by loud noises and was afraid that I would fall off when catcalling cars honked at me.


Hutt: Did you feel the need to change your behavior after the experience?

Anna: At night I still hold my keys between my fingers. Sometimes in the summer if I'm really paranoid or scared I'll carry my arts and crafts cutter in my pocket at night.


Hutt: What do you think can be done to end street harassment?

Anna: I think the best thing you can do is teach boys (and girls) from a young age about this issue. Also, a lot of my (boy) friends became educated simply through hearing about my and other girls’ experiences and started speaking up for girls.


Hutt: Why is it important to end street harassment?

Anna: I want to be able to enjoy life (especially at night time) like boys are able to. I want to feel good in my own body and wear what I want without being scared of being a potential rape victim. I want to dance in a club without being touched. I want to ride my bike without being afraid of every truck because the driver might honk at me just because he thinks my booty is nice and I could fall off and injure myself badly. I want little girls to enjoy their childhood without being overly sexualised by pedophiles. I really just want to exist as a human and not just a thing to whistle at.


Want more stories? Keep checking the Catcalls of NYC blog for new interviews with badass people sharing their personal experiences with street harassment. Special thanks to Anna for telling her story and speaking out against unsolicited sexual advances!


How to Fight Street Harassment with Chalk

Catcalls of NYC was started in an effort to raise awareness about street harassment. The Instagram account is used to create community, share stories and provide a space to talk about street harassment. The public chalk, on the other hand, is used to grab passersby and make them think about the experience of being catcalled. The sidewalk chalk illustrates the vulgarity of the words and the scope of the problem of street harassment.

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Starting a “catcallsof” account is a great way to do this in your community. Both the Instagram account and the public chalk are important parts of running an account. But, if you’re in a place where its difficult or impossible to chalk, sharing stories digitally is another option. If you feel uncomfortable chalking, reach out to others in your community and ask for help.

As more people around the world join the movement and begin chalking, I wanted to compile a list of advice for running a “catcallsof” account. Over the past three years, I’ve learned a lot about chalking and engaging with people in person and on social media. I want to share with those starting out so they can use the tips I’ve learned over time.

I’ve been so lucky to gain a community through Catcalls of NYC and meet people from different places and backgrounds that I never would have met otherwise. As of now there are “catcallsof” accounts in more than 20 places the country and 25 places around the world. From Iran, to California, to London and Ohio people are using their “catcallsof” accounts to fight back against harassment. I hope that many of you will join us in taking to the streets, creating community and ensuring that our experiences be heard (or rather, seen). Join us in chalking back. And if you do, here are my tips:

1. Keep Calm and Chalk Back

Discover & share this Cat GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

I am very angry about street harassment. The comments people submit to me on a daily basis are disgusting, violating, objectifying, etc. I hate that so many people, women, girls, non-binary and trans folks, have to deal with this behavior. But when I go out to chalk, I try to leave this anger at home. I give passersby the benefit of the doubt. I am open to conversation. And if someone gets angry at me for what I’m doing, I try to take the highroad and disengage. Your safety always comes first. So if you feel uncomfortable talking to someone, try to ignore them.

2. Educate

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Chalking is a great way to get the word out about the “catcallsof” project. When people stop and look at the chalk, tell them about your account. Explain to them that you’re fighting back against street harassment by writing the harassing comments where they originally happened. Tell people it’s a global movement. As much as they’re willing to listen to you, talk. 

3. Respond to Haters on Instagram

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First and foremost, this account is about education and raising awareness. Insults and comebacks feel great. Witty jabs are fun. But it’s important to balance that out with dialogue and productive conversations. It’s okay to disagree with someone, but if they mean well and want to learn, it’s best to engage them in conversation and hopefully make them see your side of the argument. Some people are genuinely ignorant about catcalling and street harassment. If these accounts can be used to educate them and make them aware of the problem, that does a world of good.

5. Gain Media Attention and Followers

Discover & share this Funny GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Email your local newspaper. Email national news sources. Plan an event to engage your community. Post as frequently as possible. Respond to people’s messages and comments. Message other feminist accounts on Instagram and tell them about your account. Ask them to share. Street harassment is an issue that so many people deal with. If you reach out to others, they’ll want to help get the word out.

6. Have Fun

Discover & share this Cat GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Maybe it sounds lame, but, have fun! Street harassment is a serious, difficult and upsetting topic. But running a “catcallsof” account doesn’t have to be. Chalking back is empowering. It’s a method of reclaiming a spot where someone was harassed and creating a beautiful chalk writing. Enjoy it. 

Cassie's Story

Cassie’s Story | January 8, 2019

Gender-based street harassment is an epidemic affecting women, non binary and trans folks in cities around the globe. Join Catcalls of NYC writer Jessica Hutt in hearing first-hand accounts from people who are saying NO to catcalling.

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Jessica Hutt: Where are you from?

Cassie: I’m originally from Ft. Lauderdale, FL, but I have been living in Nashville, TN for about 10 years.


Hutt: How old were you when you were first catcalled?

Cassie: I was 11.


Hutt: What happened? Who catcalled you? What did they say/do?

Cassie: I was going to the pool, and this boy who was probably 15 or 16 whistled at me. He was cute, and I was young and thought it was a type of compliment, so I smiled.


Hutt: How did the experience make you feel in the moment and after the fact?

Cassie: In the moment I thought it made me more mature, because I had only ever seen women get catcalled. It was almost like a right of passage or something in my mind back then. Now looking back it makes me sick. While I looked much older than I was at the time (I looked like I could’ve easily been the same age as the boy), it’s still wildly inappropriate for him to have whistled at me like a dog needing to come home.


Hutt: How did you react outwardly?

Cassie: I gave a small, quick smile and then I walked a little faster.


Hutt: Did you tell anyone what happened?

Cassie: I’ve never really told anyone, my mom was around though and told the boy to shove it.


Hutt: Do you believe that catcalling is a compliment?

Cassie: I did, I thought it was like a reaffirmation. Now I think it’s derogatory. Women are humans, created to be the equals of men, not possessions.


Hutt: Do you go out of your way to avoid situations in which you could be catcalled?

Cassie: I don’t really [take measures to prevent] getting catcalled, more just for my general safety. Common things, like parking close to whatever place I’m going to, making sure I’m in a place that’s well lit, holding my car keys a certain way.


Hutt: Did you feel the need to change your behavior after the experience?

Cassie: No, never. I have pepper spray, but I’m more likely to punch someone than use it, and where I work, I’m not permitted to have it. As far as dressing, I will always dress in a way that makes me feel good, mostly because I’ve found that I’ll get catcalled whether I’m wearing something with my tits out or a literal trench coat.


Hutt: What do you think can be done to end street harassment?

Cassie: Honestly, calling out those who catcall. I’m an outspoken person, so I’ll usually cuss whoever it is out without thinking twice about it. Showing them it’s not consensual, not a compliment, and overall not okay.


Hutt: Why is it important to end street harassment?

Cassie: Because I shouldn’t wish to have sons one day just because I don’t want another little girl to go through what I have. If any kind of sexual harassment persists in our community then it perpetuates the idea of women only having worth if they are deemed desirable, objectifying them.


Want more stories? Keep checking the Catcalls of NYC blog for new interviews with badass people sharing their personal experiences with street harassment. Special thanks to Cassie for telling her story and speaking out against unsolicited sexual advances!

BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO CHALKING BACK

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Hi everyone! We're so excited about the event this coming Saturday. Here’s some more information about what to expect the day of and a few chalking tips so you’re all prepared to have a ~badass~ time. 

1.    Community

This event is about building community. It will be a way for us to support each other, vent about experiences we’ve had and share the ways we’ve learned to respond and cope with the behavior. There will be allies at the event who haven’t dealt with street harassment. This is a great opportunity to share with them what you’d like to see from a bystander, and what you want active ally-ship to look like.

2.    Chalk

This event will be an opportunity to chalk your own catcalls. As we all know, these comments can be extremely vulgar. When I chalk, I use asterisks to bleep out the curse words. I firmly believe that children should be educated about this behavior and that the chalk is an opportunity for that.  But I also don’t want to be responsible for a 4 year old asking her mom what “F - U - C - K” spells out. Whether or not parents explain the project to their kids should be at their own discretion.

As much as I want people to be outraged by the words, I don’t want that to turn into anger towards us. I want this to be a peaceful and educational gathering. Engage people. Explain the project to them if they seem interested. And if someone seems confrontational, try to ignore them. 

3.    Support

Catcalls of NYC is run purely on a volunteer basis. We will be selling feminist merch in hopes of making back the money that was spent on the event and saving up for more chalk and future initiatives. A portion of the profits from the Femininitees' Cats > Catcalls tee-shirts will go to a feminist organization. If you’re able to donate, it will go straight back into the project. Catcalls of NYC is growing rapidly and the more resources we have, the more we can continue to make change.

Thank you and see you Saturday ❤️

Catcalls of NYC 

CHALK BACK

Hello fellow activists!!
 

We are thrilled to announce our first chalking event next month. "Chalk Back" will be on July 21st at 12pm in Washington Square Park. Come out for an opportunity to share your story and chalk a catcall. Have your voice heard, raise awareness and speak (chalk) back against harassment that has been normalized for far too long.

We will have exciting merch, goodie bags and free chalk. Come get involved with the cause and meet amazing people working hard to end harassment on the streets of NYC.

Stay tuned with updates on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Get your free tickets on Eventbrite

Sincerely,

Catcalls of NYC 

 

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